___ So b i have been told the i am better than you feeling is very common in melancholy temperments. i know i definitely used to feel it all the time. but right now, i wish i was what you guys are. i dont feel better than anyone. i really wish i was anele because she is overall perfect. spriitual, pretty, funny, smart and charming. Adi is pretty, spiritual, artistic and has a good way with words. asta, dont evern get me started. b and kyle’s faith is so strong i would give anything to be like them.
Me and my sister have talked about this feeling too. she tells me how she is more mel than she thought and how she looks down on a lot of people. and when the do you ever feel that way? question omes up, i say no because i am overall jealous of everyone because everyone seems to be better than me. so in that case why not try to work harder and get something your good at so peope could look up to you and maybe someone will tell you that THEy want to be like YOU.
Problem is, im not good at anything in particular. like i know i can write-a little (even though joe doesnt like my style of writing,) i can run and..uh… talk. not even. oh wait, i am pretty darn good at sleepin. no ferreal: katie taught me how to use photoshop and i like to ddesign clothes. but adi can say she is awsome at art, marena is the star runner on track (and she is 14) asta is amazing softball player and all sports player, coutrney rocks at soccer, kyle is a good teacher, jordan plays basketball, katie sings& acts & stuff.. i dunno i have just always wanted to be excellent at something… okay done with that, bad feelings gone, whatever not a big deal but its a blog, right?
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torn between two lovers part:
to go to a playoff game would be friggin sweet, which i have probably expressed to a lot of people who are annoyed by now. [and if you are annoyed with reading about they cavaliers, you can stop now, i dont like you either] i dont know if to get tickets you have to buy a 08-09 season pass and thats the only way or what? BUT i had entered this contest for a chance to buy 2 tikets to a game. ha! you have won the chance to purchase tickets!! how redic does that sound?
Well, i got the email and am all like psshht i would never go but i just read it to my mom and she was like, oh wheres my phone? call dad! so actually, my dad is all into the idea and if we get the 33 dolla seats, that aint horrible. (plus you get a free shirt and towel if you go right? sweeet.)
Well we would go to game five round one or the first home game of round two. I soo hope they win the next 2 games to get this round overwith cause i REALLY want to see them play boston (which i am pretty positive that that is who they are playing.) it would be an interesting game with wally and delonte from the celtics previously and boston is good mayyyunn!
and if they win the next two games, the round will end and i will not go to game five on its scheduled wednesday but to a round two game which would not be on that particular wednesday.
and also, after emailing the Q, cavs.com, cavs team shop and this cavs person, someone emailed me back (right before i was going to call them.0 so i am finally going to get a delonte west jersey and hope that he doesnt get traded like larry did a year after i got HIS jersey.
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lately, i have not been so indulged with my material little things like clothes and shits. that is very good for me. serious! i used to be all over shoppin hollister smerican eagle (though they do have comfy jeans) and now i am just gots whats i haves ands is ams thankfuls forsem! (which i am totally working on gratitude cause me depraved..) dicipleship leason right therr… yay i am not completely stupid.
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WEEKEND FOOOL!
this weekend is going to be pretty cool, i am guessing.
starting tomarro::::::
THURSDAY: school (bleh) then come home to pop it at dance clizass, then rest it at hizome and next, watcho el cavos winos.
FRIDAY: presnt great expectations 2nd perios which is way to ealry for me to comprehend anything i might add, finish page in j2, picked up to leave for keentuckayy
once therr, i get to spen the whole time with my old gang: morgan, megan and asta. yayy! i love those little kids, all three of em, lol asta.
so hopefully SATURDAY: i will get to talk with asta and we could work on our goals for our relationshippyy.
and SUNDAY: hopefully everyone will be poppin and excited while the cavs win game 4 and there would no longer be a game 5.!!
exciting righT!?!
ELLI’S TO Do LIST:
- memorize basic verses
- read the friggin book i am actually presenting
- andie assignment
- talky 3 lauren-ee
- b’s assignment
- prepare for the weekend with games, books, clothes and all the goods.
so i am super pumped and super blessed with such an awesome famm and b.o.c.
<3 mwahh
well elli, this was a cool blog, and you aren’t far from anele and adi. Yes, a meloncholy always manages to pull off a grumpy mood or act very stubbornly, I know very much how that feels and runs being an immature meloncholy myself. But, you have been having much improvement in your walk with Christ. It’s cool to see you bringing that one girl to HC. (Have you had a chance to ask her what she thinks of the bible study?) You’re still a 9th grader, and none of us were really mature yet then, especially me… You got bout 4 more years of high school, you’ll face hardships, broken friendships, discipline, and if you continue to rely on the lord, some spiritual maturity…
I guess I feel pretty bad. I come off harshly to ya Elli, at least that’s what you’ve told me. I don’t mean to bring you down. You just remind me somewhat a lot like myself like a sibling, especially since we’re both mels. I’ve had to deal w/ my flesh, trying to listen to others’ advice at the expense of my own pride. It’s hard and I still struggle alot w/ it. I guess I’m just trying to help ya lighten up, but there is a point where ya can go too far. So, I just wanted to give some words of encouragement. And don’t feel the need to be someone else. The Lord made you a mel for a reason Elli, and the Lord made Anele lazy for a reason (whoopsy did i say that? hehe just kidding), and elli when you’re in a grateful mood, you are a blast to be around! and you’ve been a lot more grateful lately then ever! Keep seeking the Lord, sis!
(Sorry for the horribly long comment…)
cavs game hizere i come!
Hey Elli, its safe to say you are better than me. You can add that to your list
Elli where is that poem that you wrote over Spring break, that I have heard so much about?
OK DUH!!! Just found your poem and read it. One thing about mels that is very cool, is how insightful and discerning they can be. And that you are, Elli. I really love how you are so open with your feelings. That makes you so ” approachable “. Your peom shows that you are seeing some things and that you want to move on, and now with this new blog you sound sort of stuck. It’s hard to get unstuck, I know. I’ll tell ya, the only remedy to that is to literally think about someone else – namely God, and then your friends, family etc..
Don’t let the devil keep you stuck. Don’t forget you are in a battle, you have a big ole’ target stuck to your forhead – do not let him win with his accusations.
A simple, uncomplicated
decision needs to be made;
Need to decide to climb out of the place you are stuck in, in your mind,
trust in the Lord,
then do the next thing
(love and serve others). That’s what obedience to the Lord is. Once you do that, then that whole thing about “what am I good at” will become clearer and clearer. Remember you were created with purpose and He has a plan for you. (Don’t mean to be cheesy or trite – but it’s a truth that’s easy to forget when were stuck).
BTW Hope you get those tickets, sounds like a blast!!!
I used to compare myself to other ppl to (sometimes i still do) and i was totally right, i suck at everything. I am a totally helpless piece of shit. But the Lord has built me up to be something. To mean something. God is the cream in my coffee! Those other things like athetics, smarts and prettiness is nothing in the eyes of the lord.
but, then it is so easy to compare your walk with other believers. The lord brought to my attention that the devil was feeding me lies that i was worthless to the body. But i am gold and you are! God can use anyone who trusts in Him.
Do it, watch what happens.
P.S. i am sick, evil and crazy twisted. So is Jeff Smalley, you have no idea.
anele’s right, i’m totally screwed up! no need to feel shamed! the lord, only needs your trust! No sin is too great for the Lord to turn from that person. That’s the coolest part. If we just give God the leadership in our lives, he’s gonna bless us and help break apart our evil, disgusting flesh… It’ll be scary, painful (for our pride at least), but we can have hope because the Lord is our anchor… shit we got god on our side, what else do we need?
i wish i would reflect more on that fact myself…