SCHED.ULE

For high school, scheduling is usually super fun… for me anyway. I just can’t decide what to take. I applied for honors art, which i know i am going to take but also AP art history. If i do both, I wont get 2 study halls, taking up time and not letting me study. If i dont take both, i will take one senior year. But, i realllyyy want to do both! I would really love to take AP art senior year but its soo much work!

Art is more of a hobby to me than a talent or skill. I have improved GREATLY since the fall in figure drawing but everything i do is fn to me. To take AP, well i dont know if it would be fun anymore. I dont think i would be creative enough to pop out one piece a week. But mostly, im afraid it will take away my love for it.

I promised one of the art teachers i would take ap senior year… but i dont think i will. I wouldnt want to stretch out my almost skill so far that it isnt pleasent.

i love it so much though. sorry, that was just rambling about my decision.

EXA.MS

I love exam week! everyone else seems to hate on it because of the studying but we get out earlyyy!! And, well, i guess its more fun for me cause i dont study!!!

but i am still stuck in a dilemma. my last 2 midterms are journalism 2 and biology. i am scared to chit for both. biology… well that just explains itself. honestly, i tried to study but we covered soo muchh, i dont know WHAT to study! and i have pretty much come to peace with the fact that i am going to get a c, at most.

but then journalism… sure, the final will be a piece of cake. but i have $150 in ads due and have recently found out that the editor in chief hates me. yeah, its kind of a funny situation but im just going to keep trying to love her–best i can with how much i avoid her… haha.

NOTH.ING

yeah nothing. i thought about what i am feeling about something. I try to not care about it or be happy abot it. im not guilty but im not sad; kind of. i am nothing. its worse than not caring because i feel like i am worth nothing. i KNOW im not worth nothing when i look over my identity verses (cough *carrie* cough) but i cant help FEEL what they say.

right now i feel nothing
im just back-up anyway.

i really dont like relationships anymore. i had my experience so now, i can be at peace with my many cats i am going to have. just kidding.

SHI.T

the name of this blog, who knew! haha! jk, whatev, cya l8r gffffffffff

NOTHING
elli morscher

Monster, Monster what have you done

Living alone, just as one

Nothing can save you from your mind

it raps you up in your cozy bind

what can i say? what can i do?

Theres nothing that can stop you

Nothing there to bare

Your feelings are hid with care

Can you say anything at all?

Theres no voice to your call

And I cant help but care

Your face is the one i wear

Saving you is the key

Saving you is saving me

_____________________________________

STAR
elli morscher

It takes time to learn what to say

Your eyes press upon me,

Put me to shame.

The same torment everyday

What else can I be?

Just put me along with your blame.

There is nothing I can do

There is nothing I can do

Nothing I can say, that can be true

That would turn your gaze and shift your mind

There are no words of this kind

With everything going on this season I have been very calm, too calm. I think it would have scared me how calm I was except for the fact that I was too calm to worry.

I am usually a very anxious and nervous person, I mean, I AM a very anxious and nervous person.

This holiday came up swiftly. Every year, the excitement fades from the childhood dreams of christmas to anxiety about not knowing who wants what. This year, I didnt even worry about that. I was just
going along on my own, being tired… until christmas hit me in the face. Then I was just gliding on my own again.

I would have said this whole not being anxious thing was very good for me… But, I was focusing on myself the whole time. I didn’t get into my word at all over break and hardly prayed. I rarely thought about God and would give him a second after I went through my day without him already.

Something had to change, so I tried to change it myself. I liked my mellow mood very much but I was at a total stand still.

After the neutral-ness became apparent, I tried to focus on getting back to growing spiritual, myself. After discipleship, I realized AGAIN i can’t do it on my own.

So I prayed about it and decided to start Galations, which I should have started when we started studying it in CT.

So, the past 2 days have been a lot better. I am able to focus on my walk and working on some of my relationships like Lauren and trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me when i talk to my parents.

Just thought I’d share that because it has been pretty darn cool seeing how God can work, again… )