“My name is Maddy,” so she says, “I watch kids for a living.” La la la lie
“I went to high school in Pennsylvania and college in Akron. I’ve traveled a lot lately but I am looking forward to staying put.
Maybe that wans’t a lie, I couldn’t tell.
“Tell me some of your strengths.” His eyes steady, honest, truthful.
“I am a very diligent worker and when I put my mind into something I am completely focused,” more like completely obsessed, at least I knew that to be true. “I also care… and am very honest…” She let her voice trail on that one.
A few hours ago I was Jenny. I woke up Jessica. Now I’m Maddy. I hardly can keep track. People see the blond hair, blue eyes and think of an angel. How long have I been running? How long have I been lying?
Waking up: one thing I am not good at. The hotel room was nice and fresh, perfect. My house will someday be so fresh and clean like this room. It was also open. The window let in a wealthy breeze that immediately calmed my body. My face relaxed and my muscles lost their usual stiff stature. I felt home.
Snapping back to the final interview, I organized my thoughts again, remembering my story. I’ve been through a couple for this particular job. The man in front of me still scribbling in his notebook. He looked up, hearing my sudden intake of breath.
“Thank you so much for considering me,” my smile took affect as his lips turned up and cheeks flushed.
“Well Miss Wilson, you seem very responsible. I think you have every reason to get this job,” he tried to sound professional again.
I said my thank yous and stood up to leave the bank. I rustled some things around in my purse, peeking through my hair at the security systems and hallways. They would never know. Two men at the desk watched me, whispering as i walked out.
My plan was simple: get the job, earn some trust, and after some time, get his box.
My heels left their hollow ecko in the lobby as I let my breath go. This job was temporary, due to two conditions: first, after the outcome of this extravaganza-whatever it may be-i will have to get far from here. And two; i cannot stay in one place for more than a month.
Ohio was always my home. The weather would never stay the same for more than one day and everything always changed, it was perfect. City folk would never consider anything big in Ohio, though they are always wrong.
New York city was too different for me. I never had a problem with big cities but New York was just too big, someone was always watching. I like privacy.
Suddenly my phone rang.
“Yes?”
“Did you get the job?” his voice breathed quietly.
“Most Likely,” I could hear him smile. “So I’ll meet you at the place.”
The phone went dead. It took about a second for two cabs to pull right in front of me. I chose the less grimy one.
I handed the driver a business card, he looked at me suspiciously but my smile softened his face. He read the card and started driving.
“So miss, you look a little flustered. Big city too much?” His Brooklyn accent was something you heard in the movies, then again, my life wasn’t much different.
“Oh no, haha. Trust me, i can handle it. But, interviews are always stressful,” I said almost too friendly. I guess I was a little flustered today. He went on to talk about how many jobs he has had, about how he doesn’t like being in one place… It doesn’t help with getting girlfriends either.
“Tell me about it,” I said almost inaudibly, we were almost there.
“What’s your name anyways?” I cringed at his improper english… Well, we all have our days.
“It’s Melissa,” I smiled in response, preparing to get out. I took a wad of cash and handed it to him. “Thank you very much…”
The air was filled with the smell of frying fish outside the open restaurant. The heated breeze carried the smell of the Atlantic filling my head. New York was only enjoyable in June.
I entered the small, but chic, square of a building, wedged between two moderately big business buildings. The market was filled with professional looking people on various laptops, black berries, or peering into a hug volume. The softness of the chatter disguised the harsh arguments under each breath, i felt as though i stuck out. I looked down at my business clothes, just to be sure.
I searched the room, surveying every face. Did he come? And there he was–of course. His shirt was a blue button down, the sleeves shoved up past his elbows with the first buttons unbuttoned. He looked so relaxed in the back compared to the rest of the people. I walked up to him, trying to make my face less anxiou.
“Hello Lacy, your looking as spectacular as always,” he said without looking up. No wonder I always change my name, Lacy was so… feminine.
I just wrote a long depressing blog about how I am sad that everyone thinks of me as negative. I deleted it because that is totally ironically stupid. Besides, contrary to popular beliefs, I am hardly every depressed! I am so happy right now I just thought, whats the point of whining over something that i think i am improving? i just want to be known for my hits not just my misses.
Moving on; Carrie and I are teaching cell tomorrow! I am so pumped for it! I love making all the outlines, looking up verses and organizing the information into an interesting facts. I do not feel stressed at all. The Lord totally has his hand on this teaching, I can feel it. I just hope I dont screw it up beforehand. I am going over 2 attributes of God: ompnipotent and love. Have you ever had the feeling when you just realize how amazing God is? It kind of feels like a refresher. Every couple of weeks, God just reminds me of how amazing he really is and what an awesome thing he did for us! I mean, how come I am so selfish when he did this selfless act-for me!! Wow!
I lost my tennis match in tennis class today. It was fun playing, but I realize i hav just gotten worse from starting the class that is supposed to improve my ‘skills.’ I am apparently random when happy.
I am happy. I am joyful! The Spirit is in me and I cannot stop praying. I love the feeling of God loving me. I only hope that everyone else can know this feeling too. Including Courtney, Kenni, “Stefanie” lets call them, even J! How awesome is it to have the Body of Christ as a family? Thank you, Lord! i feel as though all of my problems are solved forever except for the fact that my World history book is waiting to be read and the review worksheet for the test is not completed. I hardly know the names of the battles for the test tomorrow and have forgotten to get ads for the newspaper for the past 2 months. I dont mind, as long as i can sleep with this feeling… heck, I don’t think I will be able to sleep!
goodnight!
trust me, it is more comfy than it sounds…
“No one else will know these lonely dreams..” maybe people do. I have a hard time relating with my friends sometimes. They talk about soccer, driving, parties or boyfriends all of which i have a lack of experience. So the best i can do for them is listen, pray and when they ask me for advice… think? I didnt think anyone felt the way i felt. no one in my school has never had a boyfriend or a first kiss or no one has ever not played spin th bottle… then i realized there was someone in my house that felt almost the same way as me. but i think Adi is more confident in herself and i look up at her for it.
There is a lot of pressure coming from the water above and the current below, squeezing me so hard i canot even say a word to stop it. It has always bothered me until now. I guess i got used to people saying “youve never had a boyfriend!!” more astonished than actually caring. and now its home coming.
part of me doesnt want to go because i dont want to go with someone… or because i hate it when people ask who are you going with… or because the thought of spending even that much amount of time being there with someone totally scares the shit out of me.
Ive always said i just didnt want a boyfriend… i realise now that it is because i am terrified. I am scared shitless when i have to open up to asta or lauren… how am i supposed to date someone? how am i supposed to put the rest of my life into someone’s hands [when the time comes] and tell them i love them!?! its super scary… i dont want to get married.
i have thought about it of course.
my big time crush in 7th grade…
of course he was way out of my league… but he WAS a great friend and i could actually see myself trusting him… but you know that was 7th grade.
i havent liked anyone that much since. plus its not like it is important right now right?
then why do i think about it all the time?
im just being a 15 year old girl… which sucks. and i swear i try to be mature and above what people say but i take it and i chew on it for some time then i stick it in th back of my cheeck to move on but when i remember its there, i cant spit it out… “..and im not supposed to let it bother me.”
gosh, this is when i would LOVE to be a guy…
___ So b i have been told the i am better than you feeling is very common in melancholy temperments. i know i definitely used to feel it all the time. but right now, i wish i was what you guys are. i dont feel better than anyone. i really wish i was anele because she is overall perfect. spriitual, pretty, funny, smart and charming. Adi is pretty, spiritual, artistic and has a good way with words. asta, dont evern get me started. b and kyle’s faith is so strong i would give anything to be like them.
Me and my sister have talked about this feeling too. she tells me how she is more mel than she thought and how she looks down on a lot of people. and when the do you ever feel that way? question omes up, i say no because i am overall jealous of everyone because everyone seems to be better than me. so in that case why not try to work harder and get something your good at so peope could look up to you and maybe someone will tell you that THEy want to be like YOU.
Problem is, im not good at anything in particular. like i know i can write-a little (even though joe doesnt like my style of writing,) i can run and..uh… talk. not even. oh wait, i am pretty darn good at sleepin. no ferreal: katie taught me how to use photoshop and i like to ddesign clothes. but adi can say she is awsome at art, marena is the star runner on track (and she is 14) asta is amazing softball player and all sports player, coutrney rocks at soccer, kyle is a good teacher, jordan plays basketball, katie sings& acts & stuff.. i dunno i have just always wanted to be excellent at something… okay done with that, bad feelings gone, whatever not a big deal but its a blog, right?
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torn between two lovers part:
to go to a playoff game would be friggin sweet, which i have probably expressed to a lot of people who are annoyed by now. [and if you are annoyed with reading about they cavaliers, you can stop now, i dont like you either] i dont know if to get tickets you have to buy a 08-09 season pass and thats the only way or what? BUT i had entered this contest for a chance to buy 2 tikets to a game. ha! you have won the chance to purchase tickets!! how redic does that sound?
Well, i got the email and am all like psshht i would never go but i just read it to my mom and she was like, oh wheres my phone? call dad! so actually, my dad is all into the idea and if we get the 33 dolla seats, that aint horrible. (plus you get a free shirt and towel if you go right? sweeet.)
Well we would go to game five round one or the first home game of round two. I soo hope they win the next 2 games to get this round overwith cause i REALLY want to see them play boston (which i am pretty positive that that is who they are playing.) it would be an interesting game with wally and delonte from the celtics previously and boston is good mayyyunn!
and if they win the next two games, the round will end and i will not go to game five on its scheduled wednesday but to a round two game which would not be on that particular wednesday.
and also, after emailing the Q, cavs.com, cavs team shop and this cavs person, someone emailed me back (right before i was going to call them.0 so i am finally going to get a delonte west jersey and hope that he doesnt get traded like larry did a year after i got HIS jersey.
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lately, i have not been so indulged with my material little things like clothes and shits. that is very good for me. serious! i used to be all over shoppin hollister smerican eagle (though they do have comfy jeans) and now i am just gots whats i haves ands is ams thankfuls forsem! (which i am totally working on gratitude cause me depraved..) dicipleship leason right therr… yay i am not completely stupid.
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WEEKEND FOOOL!
this weekend is going to be pretty cool, i am guessing.
starting tomarro::::::
THURSDAY: school (bleh) then come home to pop it at dance clizass, then rest it at hizome and next, watcho el cavos winos.
FRIDAY: presnt great expectations 2nd perios which is way to ealry for me to comprehend anything i might add, finish page in j2, picked up to leave for keentuckayy
once therr, i get to spen the whole time with my old gang: morgan, megan and asta. yayy! i love those little kids, all three of em, lol asta.
so hopefully SATURDAY: i will get to talk with asta and we could work on our goals for our relationshippyy.
and SUNDAY: hopefully everyone will be poppin and excited while the cavs win game 4 and there would no longer be a game 5.!!
exciting righT!?!
ELLI’S TO Do LIST:
- memorize basic verses
- read the friggin book i am actually presenting
- andie assignment
- talky 3 lauren-ee
- b’s assignment
- prepare for the weekend with games, books, clothes and all the goods.
so i am super pumped and super blessed with such an awesome famm and b.o.c.
<3 mwahh
