I have this thing where i mark the 4, 12, and 13 of every month with a big BEST DAY EVER! the 4 is the THIRD BEST DAY EVER! the 12 is the SECOND BEST DAY EVER!! and the 13 is the THE BEST DAY EVER!!! These, as you may have guessed, are my favorite numbers. I really liked even numbers as a kid. 4 was the number on my first basketball jersey, big ben’s number, and of course, its the perfect number for everything. 12 has always been my favorite number (until now.) It is my dad’s favorite number, the number of donuts i can eat (probably,) and i dont know why else… but it was my favorite for a long time. Then i came accross the number 13! I never thought of 13 being anyone’s favorite number… but i really am not superstitious at all. 13 is awkward, NOT even, and multiply it by two and it equals 26… a number i hate. But for whatever reason (with added props from it being delonte’s) i chose to have it be my favorite number. So it came to it being the best day ever of every month….
but this best day ever happens to be on a home church thursday! Not any home church, it is THE HOME CHURCH! Well, it will be the best day ever… why? glad you asked ’cause i am dying to tell….
1. home church: we have already gone over this point. i love hc! its super fun!!
2. there is this terror special on the history channel later that night that i have been waiting since monday to see. the commercials look soo interesting!! I am a fan of history and Adi definitely got me into watching the history channel.
3. Journalism: I have been trying for 2 weeks to write an NBA story and it didnt come-writer’s block-until now! i am for some reason excited to continue writing it. I would be doing so at present buuuuttttt, i didnt feel like carrying anything home.
4. i’m gunna wear my new shoes tomorrow. i get excited by these things.
5. the reason WHY it will be the BEST DAY EVER!!!: COURTNEY IS COMING TO HOME CHURCH!!!!! HOW KICK ASS IS THAT!?! I can’t wait! i was so fearful of inviting her AGAIN but when i finally did, she said she wanted to! the Lord has answered my prayers!!! SO if everyone could pray that nothing will get in the way of her coming, that would be the best thing ever!
Now you know why it will be the best day ever: its the 13 and courtney is coming to hc!
woo hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
I just wrote a long depressing blog about how I am sad that everyone thinks of me as negative. I deleted it because that is totally ironically stupid. Besides, contrary to popular beliefs, I am hardly every depressed! I am so happy right now I just thought, whats the point of whining over something that i think i am improving? i just want to be known for my hits not just my misses.
Moving on; Carrie and I are teaching cell tomorrow! I am so pumped for it! I love making all the outlines, looking up verses and organizing the information into an interesting facts. I do not feel stressed at all. The Lord totally has his hand on this teaching, I can feel it. I just hope I dont screw it up beforehand. I am going over 2 attributes of God: ompnipotent and love. Have you ever had the feeling when you just realize how amazing God is? It kind of feels like a refresher. Every couple of weeks, God just reminds me of how amazing he really is and what an awesome thing he did for us! I mean, how come I am so selfish when he did this selfless act-for me!! Wow!
I lost my tennis match in tennis class today. It was fun playing, but I realize i hav just gotten worse from starting the class that is supposed to improve my ’skills.’ I am apparently random when happy.
I am happy. I am joyful! The Spirit is in me and I cannot stop praying. I love the feeling of God loving me. I only hope that everyone else can know this feeling too. Including Courtney, Kenni, “Stefanie” lets call them, even J! How awesome is it to have the Body of Christ as a family? Thank you, Lord! i feel as though all of my problems are solved forever except for the fact that my World history book is waiting to be read and the review worksheet for the test is not completed. I hardly know the names of the battles for the test tomorrow and have forgotten to get ads for the newspaper for the past 2 months. I dont mind, as long as i can sleep with this feeling… heck, I don’t think I will be able to sleep!
goodnight!
I just wasted an hour writing an article i was supposed to write wednesday then friday and repeat writing it over the weekend… but i didnt start until sunday at 11:30 and having the latest issue of the Stohion rely on that article and, all in all, me, i was not in a hurry at all. but i will get it done by 3rd period, typed and all with all three copies attached, each one drastically different from the other to hand one to Abbey, Steve and Tessa. Abbey will edit it with many corrections telling me i had a too wordy intro and some opinion in there but tell me that it was good and interesting for a sports story while smiling at me, cause she is nice like that. But she will only give it to me the next day. Tessa will tell me how i need to work on grammar and think in the back of her head that i suck and am just a freshman (when really i am a sophmore) and later complain i know nothing of writing (she forgets i am an editor also.) Steve will think it is a good story. pretty positive for a game that they lost badly and thinks i need to put that one play in that Nate Reed did that i didnt feel like putting in because i dont know lingo like that. I will ask Mike how to word that play that i didnt put in because i dont know how to talk football then he will start explaining in his low, football voice but Steve will interupt and they will start talking and complaining about how they lost. I will fix SOME of the suggestions all three editors made and give it to Don. Don will find only 2 mild mistakes and maybe one major one. She’ll ask if i checked last names and ill say yes and eventually do it. Then I will sit here the next couple of days listening to Becca being stressed, tessa complaining, jenna and nykell gossiping, jessica trying to talk to steve, steve banging on the laptop as if it were a drum, steve’s iPod on high, shelby come in late, Mary complimenting everyone and Matt’s speech impediment when he said choo choo train. I will go on basecamp, text adi and kyle, take pictures of steve banging on the laptop mindlessly and don falling asleep, argue with becca about how not all republicans have a pole up their ass, blog, read forums, look at the homecoming pictures i am hardly in and look really bad in, sleep and maybe work on my page.. but probably not. Becca will probably shove th ‘Bible’ under my nose friday so i will have to look up my punctuation mistakes while i wish it was the second semester and chloe ad jocelyn were in here so i dont have to talk to steve anymore about meaningless stuff, no matter how hilarious he is even when he isnt trying to be.
So that is what is going to happen in journalism next week. I know, i can read minds and tell the future. Just kidding. I am so sorry to anyone who read that whole thing! i was laughing the whole time i was writing it because it is so true! haha thats a nice class, Journalism 2…
So homecoming was this week! The game was super fun, even though we lost. a new guy came up to me, that is always a plus, though i didnt get a chance to invite him to luna’s. I interviewed people, including head coach tinkler and super dull duane, with lots of help from anele!
then saturday i got to sleep in and then lazily pretend to get ready while i was actually ‘journaling.’ i hate the actual verb of writing, i just like to write. My hand cramps up and eventually i get super tired, so my journal or diary consists of pictures with poems written by me on the side or quotes from songs that happen to be playing. They are all black and white in 3 different sizes of sharpies. Some pictures make me cry, a lot of them make me mad. Only a couple are happy and most are the best pictures i have ever drawn. but nobody has seen them. Excpet a couple. Asta saw them once and i told her i was just bored because i was embarrased i had ever drawn a picture of that guy and a poem to describe my thought of our friendship. But i was wrong, they ALL have something to do with me. A lot are about Bianka and Mallory and Lauren and Asta. I even have a couple about Alex and a couple about B (i know that one is a happy one, haha.) One is a quote taht chloe said and one is how anele looked at me. about 10 are of what i want, about 5 are of what i am struggling with. Most of them have God in there, whetther i am complaining or praising. I dont want anyone to see them but i wished someone would ask. I hate them and a lot of them are ripped in half. Only some of them i hold close to me. I dont think i can share them with anyone, seeing as they are concerning me.
if you didnt noctice, that was a freehand poem, thankyathankya.
anyways, homecoming:
Kate did my hair! i was not going to do anything but she was all ooh it will look very nice and it only took a couple of minutes and it did look awesome!
We got to the howell’s and i hate taking pictures. I definitely wanted one with Asta and Lauren separate, but alas; asta was attached to 100 other girls + jordan and lauren was attached to jon. Adi was with anele and zafi and becky but i did manage to get one with her. for the group pic, i went to the ack and couldnt stop laughing cause jon is fucking hilarious. Then i couldnt get to the front again so you can just see a floating head. HAHA it was funnayyy! i really dont want to go next year unless i have a date though. or bring more firends that dont have dates. Laur was there of course but she was with jon and will probably have a date next year too.
Well w/e. I could pretend i am above the whole thing like one tall blonde senior that changed his mind at the last second leaving me alone to slow dance with anele… whom by the way is a very good dance, though we got distracted a lot looking at asta and jordan, and chris… haha jk.. but no seriously. I feel so weird. I sont feel sad but im really happy lately! and i cannot sleep and i have energy but my body won’t resopnd. AHH its crazy cool. Im gunna go eat… have fun reading this,
and trying to figure it out.
“fuck if you understand me, I like beng misunderstood.”
lil wayne, anyone?
Shelly, Lauren and i at the dance!!!
shell my bell, laur i adore, and me i gotta pee
A shooting star flashes across the screen, and what does she wish for? To just be Hannah Montana. Not Miley. No school or complcation of hiding her other life, just Hannah Montana. Rolling my eyes at any other Disny Channel fantasy because, in fact, her wish comes true. She changes into a mega million dollar blondie and realizes how her life sucks. She never met her friends and her brother, overcome with jealousy, left and was on his own. Her dad married a bubble brain and was never home…
Thinking about what i would wish for led to a number of ideas. One was brought up from the folds of my brain, dug deep into my skull was that everyone would go to heaven with me. growing up, i see now the complications with free will, and that wish would never work out. 
Then, of course, wishes such as a million dollars, fastest person ever, meeting Delonte West, movig to Hawaii, Paul never dying, me skipping a couple years, making friends, being skinny forever and becoming pretty flashed into my head and i felt terrible. This was during the week. I hadnt realized it was this much on my mind until the ride home from our retreat. How selfish am i to be thinking this stuff? How can i conjure up these wishes that could never come true, i mean i feel as though i am six again. That growing up wish could work now.
So i thought and i had a dream about it… it was weird. Well, the dream was me giving a speech. The speech was about what i wanted. “What did i want?” i started off. I liste off all those i did earlier… then i said “but i dont want love.” Thats weird to me. Since 7th grade i have thouhgt i’ve fallen inlove with these stupid boys and all i wanted was for them to love me back, but no. no i dont. I dont want that.
What i want, which sounds so extremely selfish ringing in my ears, is to love. To know how to love. To treat people lovingly. To know how to talk to others in a way they feel loved. I want to listen to them and care.
I wish i could love someone.
Its as simple as that.
And the thing is, its not only for one reason. Not only do i want to make friends, i want these people to forget how i am. I DONT know how to love. Im surprised i even know how to listen. I dont care, i dont feel for anyone anymore… well a couple. I want to. And i’m tired of it. I’m tired of getting “your mean,” “how selfish,” “say your sorry,” “another mean comment by Elli.” “bitch” “bitter” “negative”…
I wish i could take it back. erase a couple years.
you know?
I hurt more people than i know. and i dont want that. i wish i was quiet like i used to be, soo i couldnt hurt asta, adi, anele, mom, katie dad… everyone. or myself. i hate hurting cause as i hurt you, i hurt me. i guess i do care, but not enough to stop myself at that moment. not enough to go back and say sorry. not enough to ask God to help me. So, if you ever felt a slight bit of anger, annoyence or if you were ever hurt by me: I am so sorry.
I dont want that. I dont want to be mean. and the thing is, its only a wish.
“like every inch of me is bruised… bruised….”
To me, from where i stand, a better looking wish is to die…
but I’m already dead. 
“….im finally waking up.”
its time to start over, with God this time. <3
I’m the kind of person who can get stuck in the past. i mean up-to-my-neck-stuck-in-mud kind of stuck. and truthfully, i havent been doing that antmore. Maybe cause i dont remember enough to trully love reminiscing anymore. I used to remember a lot but now i cant… well thats another topic. But i have to tell you, watching the missions trip video again didnt make me sad at all, it made me grateful i could go and that i had THE TIME OF MY LIFE! And seeing as though we are going to go on a missions trip this summer, i am more pumped than ever.
To brush one up on how i got prepared for the big MT of 06 to michigan, i will tell you (beause i think its really amazing how it all worked out.)
So once or twice every few weeks, me and anele would hop in the car right after school and Indre or Momma would drive us down to C Bus.
We had these meeting where, i didnt think i knew what i was doing, but apparently it all worked out. We signed up for different jobs Every meeting we would pray work on our assignments, joe would talk, pray, talk, go home. trust me, i was SUPER uncomfortable because, heyheyhey, i didnt knoww ANYBODY. i was pretty shy too. I was shy throughout the last meeting (when jenny adopted me as her friend.) And the night before, our moms set it up so we-LE and NL- sleep over Jenny Botti’s house. now one thing i remember about that was how AWKWARD it was. We talked a little and then sat down to play apples to apples, that was the first time i ever played it. We were all thinking it, so Jenny just said it. “this is kind of awkward.” After that we laughed and talked, it was bonding
Well there were several vans to carry xenoids from xenos to michigan. it took a day or two and we stopped for cabins over night. all the while we became more comfortble with eachother, that i was myself again.
We stayed camped slept then came the day camp.
me and anele set our crafts up and the kids came out of the vans.
Every day there were more kids.
they were so cute and so fun!! by the last day, we all basically had a friend.
The teachings were just the right amount of time and my skit prevailed.
before every day, we had an hour to read our Bibles, pray, think, and get ready. it was very peaceful.
One day i remember i just sat there praying (thinking i would read the missionary bio i had w/ me) but i just prayed. and God totally was talking right to me. As i prayed, i felt so rejuvinated, if you will. It just snapped why i was there and what i was doing.
So liek 18 kids were saved and it was amazing.
So, it was super coo and made some awesome friendships.
So i am just looking forward to this trip like no other. It realy is a great serving opportunity, fellowship time, ffaith building and al together awesome experience. So i hope those wordies are revvvved up as i am..!!!!!
i know they are, wtf :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
team-like.jpg
So i love the cavaliers. i also love writing, drawing and cats. but more than anything do i like fellowship. i love being around word people, aka my family. the cavaliers can burn as long as i can keep my fellowship (of the ring.. lol.)
So i heard some people think i left fellowship for some cavs thing.
Well just clearing up that i never left nothin for no shit like thaaatt. And would i ever? noo. SO, my obsession with Delonte West is just something i have a big opinion on, really truly it isnt that important in my life and isnt life-changing at all.
i find it very much amusing though that people are making a big deal about how much i like the cavs.
seriously, your all just jealous haha i am the only one that laughs at my jokes.
but serious, if that person reads this, next time: please talk to me about it and NOT my mom. thank you
___________________________________________________________
i have a thought taht people do not like my writing style. i do come off mean and very… un proffessional i guess. there is a reason for this.
1. i am mean
2. i write like i say and i write what i feel but dont say what i write quite right.
if you got that at all.
im sayin that i write how i talk. ya dig?
but i write what i feel,
and cannot say what i feel right.
when it comes out of my mouth its like … flip flop slop poop. DING!
i have a big problem on my hands with that whole issue. you see, i cannot express what i am trying to say when talking deep without tearing up. I have no idea. even if i am happy while talking, they just come. even thinking about things, they come. im thinkin i just get overly ffrustrated with what i cannot say. or just because im a baby. but i dont think im that much of a baby… which means i probably am.
_____________________________________________________________________________
I really want people who read this to pray for my friend lauren who may be a believer. i just have to find out ferr sherr.
ya dig?
thank yoU!
whoever reads this (0)
________________________________________________________________________________
So anyway, speaking of the ‘team that cannot be named,’ they had an okay (iffy) game Saturday but still won. And TODAY!! WOWOWOW DAYUMMMNN! they won by 30 points!!
Big Ben was awesome starting it off
ben-wallace.jpg
and Lebron of course.
lbj-like.jpg
delonte-west-like.jpg
Z and Delonte did an okay job but Z didnt seem as impressive as Saturday.
Well the one foul i found was awesome when the Wizards player pushed lebron when he was shooting and that Wizard had to leave the game!! hahaaaaaa.
wally-like.jpg
Wally was cooool. swift mayne swift!
throughout the game, i was texting cody. it seems that chicken little is the only person in word i can talk to about sportz, lol.
Well 30 points is pretty FUNKAY, 116 to 86. *my mom is lecturing me about using my words excellently now, fyi.* and hopefully they play like this thursday on the road. as ac said, the playoffs dont start till you win a road game.
love me or hate me its still an obsession.
boobie-like.jpg
lebron-james-like.jpg
i did make all the like this pics…
since everyone told me to put the queen of cheesey poems up on my blog, here it is:
SPRING BREAK ‘08
Greatly anticipated with expectations oh so high,
spring break ‘08 has been mighty fly
the first day was pink with a little shade of blue
relaxing and fun… without asta too!
forgetting those at home was an honest mistake
and to face the path of doom is a risk i have yet to take
hear, stress, laughter, and joy may sum up these days.
theres been luxury every sunrise, sunset, sunshit; every fase
because one thing i have learned so far
is to never let jordan drive a car JK
but so far, the best thing may be
i am truly learning about the B.O.C.
how thankful i am for them
and how God is currently watching over me
my relationships are strengthening
yet tribalism is still lengthening
to watch everyone grow up without me,
may be one of the hardest things to see.
left to think surrounded by nature
i realize how i neglect my future
and if i want to grow
i must get off my ass and seek to know
the end.
there were a lot of ‘inside jokes’ in there so if you didnt like it, im on your side.
anyways. the cavs game yesturday (friday) was completely embarrassing. though i have go to give it to their second team comming in, the were down soo much! it was like 12 or more points difference and they brought it up to 5. so 95 to 100 and hughes wins again. thats what we get for trading him!! hahahaaaaa
my obsession
